Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
