Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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