i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
