Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
