She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
