Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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