I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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