dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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