Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
