moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Randomize
