look no pants
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
