he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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