Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
