You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
tell me about the eggs
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
