there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Never underestimate the power of titties
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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