3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
