I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
