you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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