I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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