those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Randomize
