i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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