I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
