wat bout pragnant strippers??
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
