There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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