Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
