Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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