I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
