so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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