So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
