i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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