No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
