these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Four minutes until I can fart!
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess