I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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