why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
i would one night stand the shit outta him
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I believe in your delicious