Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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