At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
