Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
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My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
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bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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