i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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