Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
