I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
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he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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