We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
