I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize