i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
