Who did Billy Mays play for?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Come share oat with me in your robe
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
