Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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