And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
