The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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