you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Boobs are out for the taking
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Randomize
