4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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