the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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