I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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