Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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