what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
