you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
high people should be assigned attendants
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
party gras won. party gras always wins.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
