Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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