So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
