this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Randomize
