Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
