Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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