Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
