So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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