What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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