i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
