Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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