How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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