I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
