I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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