my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
