Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
