so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
