i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
