After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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