Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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