I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Randomize
