he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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