we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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