I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
