I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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