I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
