oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
