Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
