she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
porn star boner night. come get it.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
