i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
