Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Randomize
