please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
