Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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