He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
