Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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